Little lion man
by LittleMonkeyPo
Summary: [AU] Set before Sacrifice, the first years of Luke's life and how Deeks handle being a single dad.


_A/N : I'm happy, I found an Internet connexion. This story is a prequel of Sacrifice, and I think that it's understandable without reading it, but maybe not, so you might want to read it first. _

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Part One : The First Year.

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He couldn't breathe, there was a pressure on his chest, an unbearable weight he couldn't get rid of. He was waiting in the middle of the room, where the nurse had led him minutes before. The sterilized atmosphere had made him nauseous, he was almost shaking as he was minutes away from meeting his child.

He felt like he had learned he would be a father only two days before. The anticipation and excitation, he had never been happier, never felt more in love with his partner. Soon after the happiness had come the disillusion, he knew he couldn't have it all, but he wanted his baby, he wanted to be a father and he lost her. He left without a word, and after days of reflexion, he had contacted Kensi's adoption agency, told them his baby wasn't in sale.

He wanted to raise Kensi's children more than anything in the world. They hadn't talk about having kids or even a wedding, but they were so good together, that at first when they learned about the baby, everything felt right. He had thought about it for hours, in eyes opens in the dark, trying to imagine the laughs and cries, the voices of his children, and what they would be like.

The door opened, and Hetty stepped into the room, a tight smile on her lips, as if she was trying to hide her joy. She said his name, but he was too shaken to answer her. Then, after a minute or so, he finally heard the sharp sound. A baby was crying, and it was his baby. A midwife was in front of him before he could say a word, holding a red and tiny human being wrapped in a blanket.

« Congratulations sweetie, it's a boy. »

« It's...Oh..A boy ? »

« Yes. » she answered « Do you want to hold him ? »

« I don't know how to... »

« You'll get use to it. »

He took the baby, looked at the little face of his son. He had a son. He had his fist closed beside his chin, his mouth half-open forming a heart, he had stopped crying the moment he was in his father's arms. Deeks held him close to his chest and was scared to move, or even to look at someone else than his son.

« What's his name sweetie ? » asked the midwife taking a pencil out of her pocket

« Lucas. »

« A middle name ? »

He raised his head, and looked at the midwife with a confused expression, he hadn't really thought about it, he had many choices, but he couldn't pick up a name. He glanced at Hetty who was watching him with a big smile, and finally made his choice. He wanted his baby to have a part of he and Kensi in his name, and Hetty was the one who brought them together.

« Henry. » he said « Lucas Henry Deeks. »

* * *

A month, maybe more, definitely not less. He didn't know for how long he had been woken up at two in the morning, then at four, and then at six, but he knew that it was awhile because the baby had grew up, he was taller and stronger. He still looked like a fragile little thing, he was still afraid he would hurt him every time he lifted him up, but he was different from when he picked him up at the hospital. He was more than a baby who need to be fed, changed and put to bed, he enjoyed music and he smiled a lot. A gummy smile that Deeks loved more than anything in the world.

The baby was finally asleep on his chest. His hair so blond that he seemed to be bald, but he wasn't, his head was full of hair, and Deeks was proud that his son had a lot of hair. He was proud that is son was a baby in perfect health, even chubbier than expected. He didn't cry much, but when he did, he immediately found his daddy's arms. Lucas was a perfect baby, in every single way.

He looked at his son, wishing he wasn't a perfect image of himself, he wanted to see Kensi, her eyes and hair, her smile too. He wanted to see her in him, to see both of them in the little guy they had create. A part of himself was scared of not seeing Kensi physically, he was scared that Luke got his looks and her mind, he knew that he would have difficulties to handle such a kid.

Everything was tiny and fragile in his son but he couldn't help putting his hands on the baby's back, hugging him softly while singing a lullaby. He wished he could spend days like that, lying on his bed with his son in his arms, but he has to go to work, and Luke has to grow up.

« Say, daddy. »

« Daa. »

« Almost there, baby. Daddy. Can you say it for me ? » he asked « You're a big boy now. »

Monty started barking and Deeks sighed in defeat looking at his son. Lucas was in his high chair, his bowl of cereals in front of him looking deeply at the old dog. He was nine months old, his hair had gotten darker, and he showed several teeth when he smiled.

« M'ty ! » he exclaimed, his hands falling loudly on the high chair tray « M'nty ! Monty ! »

« Oh no, you didn't. » said Deeks « You can't say daddy, but you say Monty. Really Lucas ? »

Luke smiled and when his father sighed again, he started laughing. His bowl fell on the floor as he was hitting the tray with his arms, and Monty jumped to eat the food before Deeks could do anything. He started laughing too, and the more he laughed, the more Luke was laughing.

That's how he spend his day off, laughing with his baby boy. He missed having his partner, he missed having the mother of his kid with him, but he was somehow glad that Luke didn't meet her and had spent time with her before she left them. You can't miss someone you never met, that's what he said to himself every morning.

He enjoyed being a single father more than he had hoped he would. He would run in the early morning, shirtless, while pushing Luke's stroller. He was sleeping soundly and didn't care that his father only did that to be courted. He also enjoyed shopping for the baby boy, dressing him in fashionable and cute style or like a little lion to go to the zoo.

In eight months, he had seen the evolution of his son, how he looked like Kensi too, he had her mouth and chin, he was as fierce and stubborn as she was. He was growing up to be a mix of them, and Deeks couldn't be happier to see his son's eyes darken when he'd refused him more food. He was already trying to get on his feet, crawling wasn't fast enough.

Deeks was on the floor, gathering the cereals Luke had spilled minutes before. The little boy was still clapping against the tray, laughing hard as his father was swearing because his back and knee were hurting him.

« Daa. »

« Yeah bud ? »

« Lal. »

« You want your cereals ? »

« Daa. »

He was mad that Luke's first word was the dog's name, but he knew it was his fault because he was always yelling the dog's name. When he got up, he kissed his son head and took him in his arms, asking him softly to say daddy. It wasn't until days later, in the middle of the night that he heard cries and Luke's voice calling him. He had never felt more proud than this night.

* * *

« Hello Lucas. »

« 'lo. »

Henrietta Lange frowned before smirking, Lucas was sitting on the floor surrounded by toys, he was celebrating his first birthday dressed as a lion, his father was sitting on the couch, his feet were resting on the coffee table.

« Don't feel like he isn't happy to see you, he'd been like that for three days, he wants to play and eat all day long, he took his first bath in four days this morning... »

« You should fear the teenage years then. He is already ruling your life and isn't old enough to make complete sentences. »

He looked at his son who was so interested in his toy that his tongue was between his lips, he looked adorable with the little mustaches on his cheeks, and Deeks didn't want to think of the terrible teenager the boy would be. Lucas was a bold baby, he tried to run before learning to walk, everything he did was with his head first, he had fallen so many times that his father always had a band-aid in his pockets.

« That's the joy of being a single parent Hetty, every hour of every day I am the only parent he refers to, but eh, he's cute. »

« Oh, he is. » she smiled « But you'll need help with him, you can't stay on your own for ever. »

« We already talked about that, I'm a father for my son, and a cop. That's all I am, I don't have time for relationships. »

« Or the heart. » she said softly « It's been a year, a difficult and wonderful year for you. You told me when he was few days old to remember you that he's not the only person in your world. »

« You're here. And I see Callen once or twice a month, I have coworkers at the precinct. I am not alone. »

« I know this feeling, but at the end of the road you'll regret having shut yourself down. You don't have to do it know, but you have to go on. »

« I...» he groaned « I can't. »

« You need more time, but you will be fine. »

« Thank you. »

« Don't thank me mister Deeks, that's what you asked me to do, to remind you that you have your own life to live. This is Lucas first birthday, and it's been a year since you became a father, I believe congratulations are in order. »

« I have beers to celebrate that, but a friend once gave me a special assortment of tea. Oh, and I might have a bottle of whisky hidden somewhere. What's your choice ? »

She laughed and settled in the couch next to him, watching Luke rolling his cars on the floor, babbling.

« A cup of tea will be perfect. »

« Okay. » he smiled « Lucky Luke, stay with Hetty, I'm going to make some tea. »

« 'tee. » repeated the toddler « 'tee ! ET ! »

« Oh, bugger. »

* * *

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End file.
